Friday, March 10, 2006

in which I attempt to review a review of the Academy Awards acceptance speeches.

I was trying to find out why the 98 B-Line bus was routed along 16th Avenue at one point last weekend, so I searched the local paper websites. Particularly, The Province. First I'd like to say that this paper is a horrible waste of paper. The crossword is really good, the rest is a bunch of fear-inciting articles about street racers, grow ops and home invasions. Although, I hear the sports section is good for people who like that kinda thing.

So I never found any article explaining why I saw the B-Line on 16th, but I did find this review. It was probably the stupidest, most pointless, assinine review I've ever read. So I shall write a review about it.

In this article Glen Schaefer has decided to review Oscar Acceptance Speeches. WHaaaA? Holy Crap, I thought... get a life, man. First, let's just think about critics. What are critics? People who were never able to do anything useful with their lives, so they somehow created a career out of criticizing people who actually do something in life. And in this case, Glen Shaefer has criticized an elite group of people that he will never be a part of. Deal with it, man. You will never get to accept an Oscar in your life. Neither will I, but at least I don't get money for telling people what they should think of celebrities.

here's a couple of the abominations that went into print:

Reese Witherspoon: "Loses marks for: Thanking "everyone at Fox." Send the corporation a card next time."
---uh... why don't YOU send a card, Glen??? instead of writing this drivel?! Did her mom make the movie, Glen? no, Fox did. I'd thank them, too. I think we should all thank Fox for giving us the Simpsons, anyway. thanks Fox.

George Clooney: "Loses marks for: A tad self-congratulating to the liberal in-crowd."
---uh... jealous, much, Glen??? did that crowd alway pick on you in highschool?

screenplay adaptors from Brokeback Mountain: "Loses marks for: HMcMurtry thanks his lawyer"
---uh... have you seen brokeback mountain, glen?? do you know what it's about?? do you know anything about this writer and his lawyer's relationship? I don't. but I ain't gonna judge him for thanking a lawyer. maybe 'lawyer' is code for him. maybe he really meant his drug dealer, but it's not really acceptable to thank your drug dealer at these events, is it?

anyway, you see what I'm talking about?? this guy has something good and/or bad to say about everyone's oscar speeches. plus he grades the speeches like they were highschool assignments. ass. and he prints the time of each speech in seconds. The only good thing I saw in this article was the quote he used for George Clooney, "So, I guess I'm not winning best director." That's a good quote. It hints at the lame ass politics that are so often integral in deciding who will win what oscar.

end rant/


Post a Comment

<< Home